Suraj and Meena were good colleagues
and were performing well as a team. In due course of time a small
misunderstanding led to a difference of opinion and they stopped talking to
each other. They had to communicate to each other every day. They started
communicating to Sudesh who used to sit in between them. Initially Sudesh also
co-operated as he didn’t want to hamper the work flow. This continued for more
than a month and Sudesh started getting infuriated as his work performance started getting affected. Most of the time he was being used by Suraj and Meena
as a mediator.
He tried telling them in a calm way that his work was getting
affected and they should handle their differences in a more matured way. Both
Suraj and Meena turned a deaf ear to his constant requests of dissolving their
differences. These personal tiffs started having serious implications on his
work as he was all the time irritated by this cold war. Sudesh was left with no
choice than to take up this matter with his higher ups as he was being
questioned for his lack of attention and performance. Suraj and Meena were counselled and
were asked to keep their feelings of bitterness and anger aside and communicate
to each other and resolve their differences amicably. This may sound funny,
however the persons in the team and the company found it hard to digest the
grudges. A grudge is a feeling of anger, hurt,
bitterness, or even revenge which arises on account of the intentional or
unintentional behaviour.
When a grudge arises, it clouds out over other
thoughts. Logical reasoning is lost. The hurt or anger becomes more important
than anything else. It is not only the anger which is holding you, even you are
holding the anger or hurt strongly from within. This anger or grudge saps one energy
and pushes you to think in directions which are not at all productive in any
way to anyone. However, few of us hang on to the grudge for too long as we fail
to see the implications. These grudges can potentially damage physical and psychological health. If it happens in the workplace it can have severe
implications professionally as well. At work, we need to have a balance of
harmony in the team. It is okay to disagree with other’s suggestions. Make it a
point to agree on the point of disagreement. It is only in that area that you
are disagreeing and not totally with the person. All of us are working in a
workplace to achieve our goals. Each one of us our owhave to take responsibility with the way we behave with others and with n selves also.
Just because things
are not working out in our favour does not mean that we should direct anger
towards our own selves. Even that is not acceptable. Grudges hamper our work as
well as others. Many a times the person who is the
cause of all this hidden hurt and anger may not even be aware that they are the
cause. In a workplace people come from different backgrounds and upbringing.
What might be considered as rude in one culture may seem to be perfectly normal
to the others. Before getting worked up over any issue make some explorations
on your own to understand the way few team members behave. Few seniors may have
learnt to laugh over trivial matters over a period of time. It may offend a
beginner. Take out time to probe and dig a bit deeper. Always try to understand
what makes a person to behave in a particular manner. As the level of awareness
of team behaviour increases, we end up sorting out many issues.
Sometimes, few colleagues do not think
that their irrational behaviour is causing pain to others. They think it is
funny and take it for granted that others also will be okay with them. They
pick out one person and start providing information about the person publicly
thinking that it is their way of building friendly bonds. What they don’t
realise in the process is that the other person may feel and think differently.
They should have taken the person’s permission to share information or poke
fun. What might seem harmless to few of them might be sensitive to others. This
behaviour is also a cause of concern when it comes to building grudges. Some of
the soft-spoken ones may not even express it openly, however they will be
harbouring lot of hate to the person causing it. Sometimes they may even
communicate in a subtle way, which should not be overlooked.
When one is offended it is also their
rightful that they take charge and express it to the offending person. Even
after regular talks and hints if things are not ironed out, it is time to take
further action by bringing in other higher ups when it comes to office
behaviour. Only when the offender realises their mistake and apologises, then
let-go has to happen.
Let go is not overlooking the matter
or pretending that it does not exist. Do not deny the pain, hurt or other
reactions that triggered the grudge. These reactions are perfectly normal when a
person ill-treats or mistreats you. The challenge is to be bold enough to
acknowledge the issue which is taking too much of time and energy. If possible, offer forgiveness, if not
directly to the offender, then in your own mind not because the person is
without blame, but because letting
go of the grudge is healing.
How do you get rid of a workplace grudge, and get things back
to normal?
1. Address Situation and Intention
- In situations of conflict, it is significant
to address the issue with the individual in question and not ignore the
issue with a shrug. Always understand the intention behind their actions, and
determine if behaviour was a mistake or intentional.
2. Reflect and Review your Reaction - After understanding the
conflict with the individual in question, go through the entire situation and
review your reactions. Self-check if your anger is justified, or if it is an
overreaction. Talk to a trusted friend or work colleague to get a fresh
perspective which might not have been visible so far to you.
3. Do not take Anger Deeper - The animosity that bubbles up
from holding a grudge often can spill over into our work and affect our
productivity. Be conscious of this and do not allow anger to impact your
progress towards professional career goals.
Comment
below with your thoughts. Watch this space for more insights on healthy mindset
for self-leadership. Want to bring about the culture of managing
with meditation, progress and perform mindfully for maximizing your outcomes in
a playful approach at your workplace or in your venture, attend our Turning
Point– Turn in and Tune in workshop. Mail us at culture@hasovan.com for more
details. Our team would be happy to get in touch. Catch the work-place
philosophy of various companies in the book “Erupt with Joy” by Savitha
Hosamane.
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